“It’s not what happens to you,
but how you react to it that matters.”
Epictetus
Let me tell you something that took me way too long to learn:
The most powerful moment in your day is so damn quiet, you usually miss it.
It’s that tiny space between something happening and how you respond. That breath. That beat. That invisible moment when time stretches just long enough for you to choose—burn it all down or take a step back.
I call it The Pause. And it’s not sexy. It doesn’t come with fireworks or a marching band. It’s not something anyone hands you a medal for. But it’s everything.
And if you’re anything like me, you’ve blown right through it more times than you’d like to admit.
The Hard Truth: Control is a Lie (Mostly)
We love to pretend we’re in control. Our schedules, our homes, our relationships, our plans. But when life throws a punch—and it always does—you realize real quick what you don’t control.
You can’t stop someone from leaving.
You can’t undo a diagnosis.
You can’t unsay what’s already been said.
But here’s what you can control:
What you do next.
And that next move? It starts in The Pause.
Why The Pause Matters (Even When You’re Angry, Exhausted, or About to Break)
Viktor Frankl, a man who lived through hell in a concentration camp, said it best:
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
That space? That’s your power. That’s your revolution.
But you don’t magically start using it just because you read a quote or stuck it on your fridge. You have to train for it. Prepare like your peace depends on it—because it does.
How to Prepare for the Pause (Real Talk Edition)
1. Catch Yourself in the Moment
You can’t pause if you don’t even realize you’re reacting. Start small. Catch the tension in your jaw, the clenching in your fists, the urge to snap back. Awareness is step one. Always.
2. Don’t React. Breathe.
No, really. Just breathe. Not some guru nonsense—just one deep breath. That’s enough to break the automatic cycle. That’s enough to bring you back to yourself.
3. Ask Better Questions
When life hits the fan, don’t just scream “Why me?”
Try this instead:
- “What really matters right now?”
- “Is this how I want to show up?”
- “Will this reaction move me forward or drag me back?”
4. Anchor Yourself to Your Values
You want to flip tables? Fine. But do it on purpose. With intention. With values. Because you’re choosing to stand for something—not just flailing in emotion.
5. Practice When It’s Easy
The real test comes in chaos, but the training starts in the quiet. Practice in traffic. In long lines. When your kid spills juice again. Build the muscle when it’s small so it’s strong when it counts.
Final Thought: The Pause Is Not Weak
Let me be clear—pausing doesn’t mean you’re weak.
It means you’re choosing not to be ruled by your emotions.
It means you’re not letting the world drag you around by the neck.
It means you’re the one holding the damn steering wheel.
And some days? That one breath… that one pause…
is the most courageous thing you’ll do.
You don’t have to be perfect at this. Goodness knows I’m not.
But if you can pause—just once—before you react,
you’re already rewriting the story.
One breath at a time.
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